Epigraph

You don't find love, love finds you.

It has a little bit to do with fate, luck

and what's written in the stars.

Anaïs Nin.

Preface

Ariana has remained motionless lying on the bed for what seems like an eternity, although in reality, only a few minutes have passed. Anxiety eats away at me and I despair; however, I try to remain as calm as I can. Deep in my heart, I know that the unwanted talk must be done, and it can't be postponed any longer.

I get up from the recliner, which remains, on one side, of the bed, and squat down next to her to face her; a small tear rolls down her eye, as she tries not to burst into tears. I brush the bangs off her forehead and then place a tender kiss, just like when we were children.

Her skin is smooth to the touch of my lips, I feel her shudder at the tenderness of a simple act.

"I am here princess; I am with you. You are not alone. "At my words, she takes my hand, cradling it to her chest, and bursts into tears.

I hug her.

Two days ago, the doctor told us that there were no more tests to be done. That all we had to do was wait for the definitive moment. He advised us to go home, to put everything in order and to enjoy our last days together, so we did.

"I'm scared, Milo," she confesses with sadness in her voice. Then he sniffles as he pulls away and meets my gaze. I don't want to die yet.

"I know baby... "I try to be strong and not cry, to be strong for her" "Don't be afraid, I'm here with you. You're not alone.

"I know I'm not alone, but I don't want to leave you either. "She puts her needle" scarred hand on my cheek and looks at me as if the words are piling up on her tongue. Remember all the plans we had? To go to Ireland, to see the Iguazu Falls..." "she pauses for breath before the crying stops her" "to have children.

The tears fall from her beautiful eyes like water in the rainy season, her perfect eyebrows turn red and so does her nose, and then I hug her. I hold her in this moment so hard, so cruel, so merciless. Whoever said that "there is no medicine that cures what happiness cures", lied. Neither the greatest happiness, nor the most advanced medicine have been able to narrow that bridge between destiny and life for the woman I love.

Now, the only thing left for me to do is to love her and give her the peace she needs in these desperate times. No matter what I feel, no matter the helplessness, the frustration, the pain, the sadness, the only thing that really has priority in my life, in this life, is her, Ariana.

"Don't think about that, love. Don't torture yourself supposing what could have been, reflect on the now. "I take her hands and kiss them gently, "That we are together, that no matter what happens, if there is one thing you must be sure of, it is not tomorrow, but my love for you. Why I loved you even when I barely knew you, I love you despite seeing your scars and I will love you always, even if you are not by my side. Well, even if everything becomes unbearable, you must be sure that at the end of the road, when you look back, you will see that everything you lived, everything you did, the people you helped, the smiles you had, the tears you shed and everything, all the love you gave me was not in vain. You have marked many lives, you have marked my life sweetheart, forever.

She holds my gaze with hers, she feeds on my words that little by little are soaking into her and transmitting the peace she needs to calm her fears. She needed me to remind her that I love her, not to tell her that she will not die, for she would be lying and it is inevitable, but to soothe those waves that rise before her calm, she needed me to remind her that, for love, nothing is in vain.

1. Milo

The beer remains cold on the table, along with others, keeping me company. I've been drinking for what seems like a long night, but it's really not, I started at six in the evening; I look at the wall clock and it's barely eight thirty. It's not as late as I thought it was.

Today would have been a special day, as we would be celebrating five years of marriage, but instead it is two months since Ariana passed away; the pain of her loss has not only left an empty space in my bed, but also in the primordial place in my heart. I have cried as much as a man in his right and lost mind can cry, I have suffered in silence the unimaginable, so much so, that I can no longer bear it.

I cannot conceive of a future where her eyes are not the beacons that guide me through stormy pressures, where her hands are not the anchors that hold me to reality and lift me to peace. A future without her is no future, simple as that. Her absence weighs more than the hope of a tomorrow, that's why I have made a decision of no return.

At the end of the day, she was the reason why the world existed. It was the love that came from her lips that gave me the strength to continue on this path, but without her, now nothing makes sense. There will be no one to mourn me, no parents, no uncles, no brothers, so I feel no regret or remorse for what I wish to do. We were just a couple of orphans who knew each other as children and found refuge in each other's arms, she was my everything and I was all she needed.

Now, it is time for me to be reunited with my beloved.

I take one more swig of the beer and walk with her to the bedroom, leave it, on one side, on the nightstand, knowing that from it I will not drink again.

"It's time. I will see you very soon, my princess. I will see you soon.